Happy Mother's Day!

Cupcake- you make me the happiest mommy in the world!  Without you I would never be able to smile everyday!  You are a sunshine!!!

A special wish from me & Cupcake to my 92 year old grandmother who is an amazing lady!

My mom & Cupcake's NANA-  (if I put your age there won't anymore posts)-  We love you!

To all my special friends who I share a bond of motherhood-  Have a beautiful day!

Lastly- This will be THE most special Mother's Day for JB who will be inflight to Russia on Mother's Day weekend to legalize the adoption of their daughter.

***Anyone who has any Marriott Miles they would like to donate to assist in the hotel room for their adoption-please email me.***

No. 224

Whoever would have THUNK that our first snowstorm would create such an emotional "ME" as we are days away from our 2 years home.  As a revision to my last post-  Feb 14th is our 2 yr mark from our court date.  Luckily I still can hear the translator saying our names and announcing we are the legal parents of Cupcake.  Can I have a tissue please????

  

There are certain times of year that draw me to this blog.

From June 1, 2006 when we signed with Alliance for Children in MA through March 10, 2007, I tend to find myself walking from day one to our arrival home with Cupcake.

When have completed the process of adoption there is an amazing about of memories that fill your head and heart like no other memories you could describe.  

There are many people who touch your life who will remember forever.  In addition to our wonderful agency who guided us to our child we had a translator who we have fond memories together.  She sent us a letter recently through another family to let us know she was thinking of us.  We were one of her most memorable families.  She was curious to know how our daughter has progressed.  Elena was a special woman who we enjoyed her skills and her company.

One person who I may not have spoken enough about but I want to mention in detail for many reasons but most importantly for families in the future to consider this a reference is Dr. Sayyad Mouradov.  Here is his email & cell number too.  +7 903966 34 46, email SMouradov@yahoo.com.  We took the selection of our physican to be the most important after the selection of the agency.  Reason being, when you are in a far away country in a different time zone and not able to speak a word of their language you want to know and feel you have all of the confidence to make good decisions.  Like we expected, we had many decisions to make.  Today we know without Sayyad it would have been twice as difficult.  We did travel blind but it didn't matter because we didn't accept our 1st, 2nd, or even our 3rd referral.  Our daughter had a short, simple, but scary medical.  "MOM WAS DRINKING THROUGHOUT PREGNANCY."  Ok, so FAS, FAE and the whole alphabet soup runs through your head with fear.  Sometimes you wish you didn't read so much and sometimes you worry you didn't read enough.  Let's couple the medical with being TINY.  My friends children weigh about 16-18lbs at 6-8 months.  Our daughter weighed 16.5lbs from 15-18 months.  She was just small.  She never made it on a chart until 3 yrs old.  Thank goodness we went blind.  NOw I know something i didn't know then...You must go to say NO.  You can't take a picture or a medical report as a clear indicator on a child.  The information may not be accurate, translated well, or as critical as it sounds on paper.  The doctor held our hands, translated well.  Not only did he translate the language but the definitions of the diagnosis.  Checking on us via email for months to follow was quite impressive too.  Thanks again!

The family we met via the internet who adopted their daughter from the same baby home exactly one year prior who developed the same relationships with the translator and director sent me a photo from the day they met their daughter.  OMG-  She was in the same dress, tights, and shoes that our daughter was wearing a year later.  There photo was a mirror image of our picture.

Often I wonder who is in Russia, what babies are on their way home, and the sad stuff too crosses my mind.  What wonderfully loving babies didn't make it to a loving home like our children.  How many wasted lives?  

Then there is Mary.  Russianfamilysearch.com.  Mary took me on my final journey in Russia to answer the questions that I had to have answered.  She allowed me to create a box of answers for my daughter that will be priceless.  Finding Cupcakes siblings and grandmothers was something I never imagined doing before being a mother but something I had to do as Cupcake's mother.   I hope one day the peace it gave to me will be the same peace I can offer my daughter.  What a beautiful company, story, and service Mary offers.  Sometimes the answers are tough, and sometimes the tough answers give us light but this journey was quite incredible, difficult, and emotional.  I love this topic because I believe I really felt myself on all sides but in the end it taught me the difference between selfless and selfish.  Even though my spouse was sick to his stomach and had nothing to do with what he referred to as the creation of "Pandora's Box" I am happy to report almost 18 months later he found some private time to view the pictures of her siblings, and read the reports.  Most importantly open his mind to find a way to justify this was an important part of our adoption.

There was 3 more quick paragraphs about 3 special friends.  I had to delete for now.

J & L can't wait to see all of you this weekend.  I am glad you could get in one more weekend before leaving for Russia.

Maria and Jeff it was awesome having dinner all of us a few weeks ago.

"K"  I won't ever ask or mention you!

Even though I do not post here often you can see updates of our life at OURCUPCAKE.blogspot.com

Happy Valentine's Day Cupcake

2 yrs home

xoxo

Mommy & Daddy

January 2009

Goodbye 2008!  Happy New Year's to 2009! Here are a few memories of 2008.  Wishing you and your family a wonderfully magical year!  When we return, you can find us at ourcupcake.blogspot.com.
















December is one of those months which is sentimental because of the holidays and the close of the year.  Two years ago this was coupled with leaving on December 1 to meet our daughter.  Not everything went as well as hoped during our first trip but everything happened for a reason.  In hindsight everything was PERFECT.  On lucky number 7 of December we met our little Cupcake.  Even though the adoption days seem so far behind us, it is impossible not to feel so thankful for such a gift.

Almost two years later Cupcake has doubled her weight, grown 8 inches, went from a 12mo to 3T in size, eats decently, pottie trained with no accidents for 3 months, speaks like me, and sleeps like a princess.  She is in her second year of school.  Swims like a champ, enjoys her ipod, and loves the moonbouncer.  She is well-behaved, affectionate, and a good friend to all of her play mates.

 

She loves to travel and adjusts well to new situations.  Her favorite color is PINK,  her best friend at school is Lilly.  Her love of her little life is Leif.  Swings are her favorite out door toy, swimming is her favorite sport, and playing with the dogs is her newest found interest.  

Cupcake is my "IT" girl.  Every moment of everyday I wonder where we can go and what we can do next.  This month in Italy has been one of the most amazing & enriching experiences for us.  Listening to her, watching her, and holding hands on the beach reminds me this is what life is all about.  SOOOO....to all of our friends and family who make every day a special day, we thank you for being part of 2008 and can't wait to share 2009 with all of you when we return.

October 2008

JUNE...in 2006

Looking back to June 2006 seems long ago.

My blog is 2 years old. All of my information on adoption is antiquated. All of my friends are home with their children. Proudly I can report eveyone is...happily ever after.

Two tears later I can say I have met some special women, incredible children, and made some of the best friends in my life. Even though I may forget to email, send birthday cards, and call as frequently as we all did B.C. (before children) I think of all of you often. Here is a quick one but LAURA, MELISSA, SUSAN, LISA, KATE, and my non blogger friends who followed KATE (USA), HEIDI, KAREN, Aunt ANDREA, & Aunt JOJO. I send the biggest hugs to all of you. No matter where I am you are always close in thought.

Me: As I expected my life would evolve. Now I know when I woke in April 2006 to find my daughter I was right. She would be waiting for me. Patience prevailed as I was waiting for her.

Finally I have realized there is an end to every chapter in our lives. The end of my blog has dragged a bit as I could not find an ending. The end of our journey and the beginning of the rest of our lives meshed in my brain. Some leave their hearts in San Fran but I added a piece of Russia to mine. Moving forward from this blog was suppose to happen with the creation of Life with Cupcake. Now I know it is time as I feel like a stranger typing in this space.

Cupcake is as healthy, happy, funny, curious, & opinionated as usual. Now she is more inquisitive, vocal, and demanding. Her affectionate and infectious personality keeps me smiling every moment of every day. She continues to teach me the importance of life.

Here I sit wishing upon a star that for every horror story read about EE adoption ten stories will be found like my journey to Cupcake.

Two years later, two long trips to Russia, a handful of real girlfriends, an agency who was never a beat short of perfect unless I didn't get my way (Thanks Ruthie-Alliance For Children, MA), A PERFECT MOTHER who I don't even know how I breathe without her by my side, an equally perfect Grandmother, Aunt Reesy you are a REAL sister!, and the yummiest Cupcake in the whole world. I thanking you so much for being a part of our lives everyday.

Life of Cupcake will continue but NO EXPECTATIONS!!!

To all of the bloggers.keep it going!

It has been so long! Her is a Cupcake fix.
She is simply EQUISITE in every way! I love you Cupcake!
It is hard to explain but now she can walk, talk, and share an opinion. Our lives have meshed in such an incredible way! Watching her grow and learn is so special. In some ways it has become more private too. Blogging has been difficult with such a lack of time but I wanted to share a little more. Especially for anyone waiting...I promise FOR REAl you will forget the hardships of the waiting! Every paper chase, every 10+ hour flight, every check & charge will be FORGOTTEN!!!

FINAL ONE YEAR MILESTONE...

Yesterday marked one year home together. Cupcake is doing more than well. Parenting Cupcake is too easy. We have been all over the place so I have some great pics to add but today is a work day so I will catch up later.

SURPRISE-one of our old blogger friends are back in Russia meeting referral number two so wish Maria and Jeff good luck too.

ONE YEAR AGO AGAIN...

One year ago today we sprung our little one from the "joint."

So I woke up to this email this morning...


Hi, Lauren!

Well, I was talking to Poppy tonight, and he said, "Do you remember where we were a year ago?"

"Of course...getting Cupcake (edited)!"

So, Happy Anniversary!! It's been a good year for you.

BTW...the latest blog pics are really funny.

OK, sis, see ya soon...here's a pic from last year, me, Cupcake (edited), and chips.


All the best

--Uncle Joe

All I can say is the pic brought tears to my eyes. Just knowing how lucky I was to have my Mom, Poppy and Uncle Joe...

Thanks Joe for remembering- BIG HUGS!!!

ONE YEAR LATER...

Even though this is number #216, this is really my 232nd post. I guess I didn't number some 2+3+2 = 7. Seven was NEVER a lucky number for me until last year.



On February 14, 2007 we became the parents of our daughter who was born in July (the 7th month) on the 2+5th and became a US citizen in 2007.


What can I say...I can not believe it has been a year! Happily I can report to all PAP's the waiting and dissappointments during the process are not even archived. The highlights of our meeting our daughter, becoming her parents, and bringing her home are the memories of our process.

Cupcake is now 2.5. She walks, talks, eats, and plays like all other children in her age group. After 6 months in EI we were dismissed after her exit exam.

What is more fun than watching your child enjoying life to the fullest. Yes I still look and her eyes at times with a tear of confusion. I wonder how anyone could of deprived her of hugs and kisses for 16.5 months of her life & reality kicks me in the A** to remind me we all have a journey in life. Our journey to her and her journey to us has a place in our history but only our future together matters.

To all of my special friends who we crossed paths in Moscow in Feb 2007...happy one year to you too.

Today I remember I am so lucky we are home with our Little Cupcake who is getting so big, who has an opinion on what she wants to wear, who has an opinion on what activities to engage, and who decideds what friends she will play with. I love to watch her tantrums as she stumps her feet and demands a bubble bath, I find such cuteness when I hand her to Daddy for goodnight kisses and she snuggles in his chest as a ploy to avoid bedtime. Mostly I am so happy to wake up and share a bowl of Cheerios with my daughter (even if she drips milk out of her mouth and back in the bowl as she struggles with the spoon).

Today as we left the house to get ready for Valentine's Day, BYE BYE from Cupcake


<

Journal #215

It is hard to imagine this time last year Maria and I were waiting impatiently by the phone. For some strange reason we thought when the the Russian Holidays concluded we would wake to the phones ringing with our court dates...YEAH...right? NOT QUITE!

This year Cupcake and I visited with Maria, Jeff & Tyler Christmas Eve when we were finsihed with family. It was so special! This stuff will be on Cupcake's blog.

It is strange to feel like such an outdated family. Event he court house in Moscow is new. The process with the embassy has a changed a bit too. I believe there is an extra day to get the visa whereas we were handed the visa's the day we went to the embassey. It is so important to make sure you research agencies, countries, and the process as currently as possible. It is so easy to think your lovely neighbors had such a great experience last year with their team but that team may not have the same value this year.

Cheers to the New Year! Every family waiting...wishing you a speedy return home with your child/ren.

We are coming up on being parents for one year...WOW.

Journal #214 -

Merry Christmas Everyone! What a special first Christmas is for many of us who came home after Christmas last year, those of you who have just returned, and those of you in Moscow for the most special Christmas of your lives!

Cupcake-This time last year we were counting down until we returned to you. Imagining having to wait to see you brings tears to my eyes. Merry Christmas baby you are the most amazing daughter in the world!

Journal #213

So badly I wanted to post last night but Cupcake and I crashed out about 11 so I never made it to cyberland.

Yesterday was an emotional day for me. Since we have been hitting so many firsts and lasts I have been surprised which days actually make my heart tingle. We met for the very first time in Fryazino, Moscow District Russia on December 7, 2006. Has it really been a year? It seems like yesterday or it seems like a millions years ago. What a time warp! Certainly I do not know life without her and we would like to believe she does not remember life without us.

What has happened in one year since the day we have met our daughter?

Without boring you with a lengthy timeline: Cupcake is walking , talking, going to school, socializing with many friends. She has been back and forth a couple times to Florida, PA, and NY. Her hair has recovered from the Russian cut, she has been eating for the past 2 weeks foods other than mac&cheese,PB&J, grill cheese, and cereal.

Yesterday we had a mommy & daughter day. Lounging all morning and taking a nice ride to NY to visit Baby L for his birthday. Our one year together will be celebrated with a great weekend of parties and friends as tomorrow we head to NJ to visit another Birthday Baby- Can't wait to see you Pebbles!

One year ago Marco was putting our luggage in the car as we were leaving for NY-JFK airport to find our daughter...

Journal #212

FRUA FUNDRAISER- I read this on a Yahoo Group this morning. I am sure FRUA would appreciate if we circulated this through Bloggerland. Many of us relied on FRUA to find Agency information, families in our regions. IA Doctors, and travel advice from those who have BTDT. Please feel free to cut & paste as I have.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas in the East of Europe

Twas the night before Christmas In the East part of Europe,
The cold wind was whipping the deep snow in currents!
No stockings were hung by a chimney with care,
As the orphanage children had nothing prepared!

Grandfather Frost would be a most welcome sight,
But they feared he would forget them on this precious night!
They all nestled down in their beds so bare,
And prayed that God would hear their prayers!

Their dreams were the same...the girls and the boys,
They wanted a family to love them...not toys!
They wanted more food to fill up their tummies,
And warm clothes were needed more than treats that were yummy!

The Caretakers loved every child in care,
And hoped that a family would someday come there,
To pick up their baby...they've waited so long,
And the child would grow and one day be strong!

It's said that you can't save the world by yourself,
But buying some coffee or tea from FRUA would help!
Grandfather Frost and his little Snow Maiden,
Will forever be grateful for gifts you have laden!

Now dash away, dash away, dash away All...
To frua.org instead of the mall!

By Sandy Davis
FRUA-St. Louis Chapter
Help support FRUA's Orphanage Support Program!
Shop the Coffee & Tea Store for holiday gifts for everyone onyour list...teachers, babysitters, co-workers, friends and family! Order your Coffee & Tea online at www.frua.org<http://www.frua.org/> . Give a gift with meaning and bring some hope into a child'slife!

Journal #211

A big shout of CONGRATS to ALLIANCE FOR CHILDREN, MA for receiving their accreditation status. Also to all of the families who have endured the wait.

So many of us are thankful for all of your hard work in helping to bring so many children home in 2007 during such a difficult time in Russia.

We wish for many more to follow in 2008!!!

Lauren, Marco & Cupcake

Journal # 210

HAPPY BELATED THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE!!!

One of my most special girlfriends got the best news of her life the day before Thanksgiving...HER COURT DATE. Most of you know Lisa and no what a long & difficult journey she has continued. Everyone should know Lisa is the perfect example of how to handle issues, problems and devastation during such a trying process. With all of your grace, stamina, and strength I hope so many learn from you. You are so focused, determined, and dedicated. I know you will be such a wonderful & loving mother to your girls.

As I told you last night I am so elated you do not have to go through another weekend waiting for Monday. Monday is waiting for you!

I will do more on Thanksgiving on Cupcake's blog but today I just wanted to take a moment to wish everyone in waiting a speedy process.

BIG HUGS LISA! We can't wait to meet the girls!!!

Journal # 209

This time last year seems so long ago but I vividly remember all of my friends in bloggerland being my rock. Sounds strange for not having met some of you (even though I have met many!) but I contribute being so prepared on what to bring, where to go to shop, and what toys to bring to my blogger friends. More importantly, we were more prepared than most to know we may meet a child who may not be the "right" child for our family. If you aren't prepared for this one...BE PREPARED. Again I thank you for all of your support, friendships, and guidance as we approach our first Thanksgiving as a family.

NOW I WANT TO SHARE A SPECIAL STORY...About 4 weeks ago I met a family via telephone who was referred to me by our agency. They just returned from Moscow where they met their beautiful 9 month old daughter. As we continued to share our stories I realized they daughter is from the same Baby Home as Cupcake. In some districts this may not be such a big deal but in Moscow District there are 59 Baby Homes. Of course an instant connection developed. I found myself writing them a mushy letter in a Card.

I sent this card to this family Friday with a special enclosure (I don't want to call it a gift). We decided we wanted them to bring home Baby A in Cupcake's snowsuit. They received it yesterday. As I listened to my voicemail on my way to my last appointment...I was in tears. BOY did they get even with me for the card I sent to them!!!

J & J-

The best thing you could have said to me is that you already hugged it a million times. Officially it has now been hugged 2 million times!

Thank you for feeling it is as special to the both of you and it is to us.

On Christmas Day we will know that across the ocean in a far away land Baby A is snuggled with her parents.

What a gift it is for us to know your bundle of joy will be departing the Baby home in the same snowsuit!

We wish you the best trip of your life!!!

Journal #208


EDIT: a few have requested information on Mary, who we used for our birth family search. Here is here site/email: http://russianfamilysearch.com/


Yesterday was 8 months home from our final segment in Moscow and next month will mark one year since we met. I think being so close to all of the holidays is just magnifies the glory of being home. Since everyone has followed us lets talk about a few others:

Happy Belated Birthday to Baby Nic who we went to NY to his Birthday Bash 2 weeks ago!
Happy Birthday TIGER! You were the just a treat to see yesterday!

SLINKKKKK...I just found out about your court date on FRUA??? You have some explaining to do! Congrats, I can't wait to meet Munchkin!

Chris & Wife (not sure if name is on the net)- Best wishes to the both of you bringing home your twin girls after a long awaited court date!

A QUICK NOTE ON BIRTH FAMILY SEARCHES & OUR SUCCESSFUL SEARCH:

Both grandmothers sent pictures of themselves and say they will write a letter to Cupcake. I have found the discovery of our daughter's family to be extremely emotional. Very different than I expected. Far deeper than I imagined.

It is so easy to think the mothe could be a prostitute or drunk. A careless individual who cares very little about a human life. Unfortunately this is just not the case. Court documents may translate an ugly picture. However many of us who do searches find something very different than the picture painted in legal documents.

As much as the grandmothers thank me with such appreciation for finding them TO LET THEM KNOW SHE IS LOVED AND SAFE, I can never express to them the gratitude I have for giving to her "The Beginning of her Journey of Becoming our Daughter." What a beautiful & loving story it turned out to be.

With tears AGAIN....I will continue the update later.

(all other pics will be posted on Life Of Cupcake)

Journal #207

It has been too long but being home with our child has taken me in so many different directions but I owe some "THANK YOU'S" to a few people so I want to share them.

FIRST- Thank you Mary K. Your assistance with the Birth family search was more emotional than I expected but more important than I even realized. I look forward to your post on my blog! Coming soon... (read the previous post about Birth Family search)

If you remember early summer many of us posted the warning about hand sanitizers. I received an email and a sample of a great new product that is a safe version of a hand sanitizer. We received the sample when I was in school in August so I didn't get to test the product immediately so I didn't post but since we used it for a week and really liked it so THANK YOU LAUREN!

Lauren and Marco,

I work for a public relations agency and represent a product called Germ-X (http://www.germx.com). After reading your May 24 post about hand sanitizers, thought I might pass along some news from Germ-X.

As you reported on, hand sanitizers have been a hot topic this year among parents. Reports of children becoming ill from ingesting alcohol-based hand sanitizers emphasize the importance of parental supervision when it comes to children and common household products. Like you mentioned, when used as directed, hand sanitizers are safe and offer vital health benefits.

The germ-busting stuff really is top-of-mind right now … school supply lists from around the country are asking parents to send kids back to school this fall with a bottle of hand sanitizer. And there’s good reason: Studies have shown a decrease in the average sick time of students who use hand sanitizers as a part of their hand hygiene regimen (see: American Journal of Infection Control).

To effectively kill 99.99 percent of germs, hand sanitizers like Germ-X and Purell contain 62% ethyl alcohol. In fact, The Centers for Disease Control study shows that in lower percentages of alcohol, hand sanitizers are less effective. (http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/EID/vol12no03/05-0955.htm)

Next month, Germ-X is introducing an alternative to traditional alcohol-based products. Germ-X® Advanced Protection is a new formula that uses active ingredient benzalkonium chloride (the same stuff found in eyewashes and surface cleaners) to kill 99.99 percent of common germs.

Germ-X Advanced Protection may be of interest to those looking for a substitute to alcohol-based hand sanitizers. The foaming hand sanitizer has a light, clean feel and a fresh smell … and, with vitamin E and other moisturizers, it keeps hands soft....

Thanks for your time.

Lauren B
Fleishman-Hillard, Inc. – for Germ-X

A little too much reality on Adoption...After seven months home it has been hard not to ask myself some questions. Even more so it is hard to be honest about some of the answers. I have extended my questions to others who have recently adopted to find a wide range of opinions. Interestingly, I have found listening to others speak about their feelings on the birth family to intrigue me beyond words. Many of us adopt internationally for many reasons. One common reason is the security of not having someone knock at our front door. In addition to not having to wait to be selected & the weak laws in the USA the first reason has been the most popular.

When we met our daughter we were told she had siblings. The 3 youngest were taken from the home. Why was our daughter seperated? Where are her little brothers? Upon our return to court we found out the grandmother had taken the 2 little boys. Due to our daughter's age (5 months ) when taken from the home, the Russian government didn't consider her a sibling since they did not live together for a year. When a bed was available they moved her from the hospital to the Baby Home.

When I was in Russia I had a feeling the grandmother lost her grandaughter and there was more to the story. If we wait until our daughter is old enough to make this decision to find or not to find her birth family, maybe these answers would never be available.

I am not sure if our daughter will ever want this information, but if she does it will be in the safe deposit box for her. This is solely for her. I could care less about anything except to offer the grandparents the peace of mind that their lost grandchild is safe and loved.

The first thing written to me from her paternal grandmother ".....when we heard of her adoption I was nervous, now I can be calm. Your contact is much appreciated....."

Today, I sit satisfied for accomplishing what I intended to do for our daughter. Sad for some of the circumstances which seperated 5 siblings (3 live with this grandmother, 1 resides with the maternal grandmother (she has requested contact & a photo too), our loving & beautiful daughter who makes each and everyday of my life so perfect will be with us FOREVER. Disappointed that my husband and I sit on the opposite end of the spectrum adamantly.

Sometimes it is easy to voice our opinions. Easy to disagree with each other and move forward. However making a lifelong decision for your child complicates issues.

Do these faces look familiar...

The picture of the boys was taken last week in their hometown. One on the left- going to be 6 in January and the Right- he will be 4in February.

Journal #205

REFERRALS! Getting a referral is probably the most exciting moment before meeting your child. Some go blind & some get pics and information before travel. Personally, going blind was our preference. When discussing this with our agency in June of 2006 we wanted to go blind but to somewhere our IA doctor could accompany us on our first meeting.

Without to much rambling on about "us" I want to share with you a picture I have never shared before because it was not possible at the time.

After we had declined referrals the facilitator was able to share a picture of a little girl. We couldn't see well the eyes, ears, or legs. Rickets were a great concern by the way she was standing. Mostly we were nervous. I think we both agreed to go see her immediately as we saw quite a few pictures of other children who left us confused and scared but ... it was a very emotional time. This is the Picture...

The picture above was taken on Monday, December 4, 2006. (16.5 mo. & 16 lbs)
Marco holding Cupcake on December 7, 2006-3 days after we receieved picture 1.

Below is Cupcake on her first outting home on March 13, 2007.
Happy Birthday & Happy 5 months home! (2 yo & 23lbs)

Good Morning Cupcake! I know you will forgive me for posting "the pic" of you. XOXO

Journal #204
Are you gonna be ONE??? Noooooo
Are you gonna be TWOOOO? YESSS

As we get closer to Cupcake's 2nd Birthday Bash on Saturday I am excited, nervous to forget something (my 30 something old brain has a memory chip missing lately), and I have found myself falling into deep thoughts about our trip in Moscow.

At some point it becomes a strange thought process to think your baby could have grown up in this way. It is sad to think of no goodnight kisses, no bath with toys, no mommy & daddy, never learning how to make decisions as there are not many choices, and never having anything to call their own.

The best part ... you can not remember life before the existance of your child. I have a feeling this "once in a while" feeling will always cross all of our minds with worry for the orphans left behind mixed with the gratefulness of being home happily with our child.

On Cupcake's 2nd birthday, I will make her wishes for her. She only had two wishes. She wished for a family and she wishes for all the children left behind to all find their forever families too. I know this what she would want.

So on Saturday when we blow out the candles we will have a moment of silence as our family will be wishing all the families who are celebrating reaccreditation will be hurrying to bring their babies home!

From our family to yours... We wish all of you the journey of your lives in completing your family in the most rewarding way in the world. We wish you a speedy return home.

We look forward to hearing from you!

We can always be found @
http://ourcupcake.blogspot.com/

Yesterday one of my friends sent me an email. She may be a blogger friend of yours too. I couldn't email her back but 2 cheesy sentences basically saying I am not qutie sure what to say and if you need me I am a call away but this morning is worse than yestgerday.

If you haven't figured out- I speaking about "Lisa" who you can find under "WAITING FOR COURT DATE." Yesterday was suppose to be the day to get the COURT DATE not a heart breaking message indicating the girls are no longer available.

Yesterday I was sad for the girls. All I could think about is "IF ONLY" times a million. If they only knew when they took "guardianship" opposed to adopting ONLY to prevent these children from leaving the country the girls were about to have the BEST life imaginable with the an amazing mother!

Today my tears are for Lisa-

Lisa- You are such a special person. Your strength has been an inspiration. I send you hugs, friendship, and tissues! You are in my thoughts.

Journal #200

One year ago this blog was born. I am not sure what I expected from blogging, International Adoption, or becoming parents but so far I feel lost in a fairytale.

Today, the selection of an agency, the paper chase, the waiting (referral), the waiting ( first trip-cancelled), and again the waiting (first trip) seem so long ago. I can't say the same about the PAINFUL waiting for our COURT DATE. Like yesterday I was feeling it would never happen. By far, we have agreed waiting for court was the worst part of the whole process. However, February 14th (court date) came and went.

Blogging led us to so many friends, resources for information, and support through the process.

International adoption gave us the best gift in the whole world, changed our lives completely, and reminded us that a loving family is priceless. The impact of a Baby home, or an Orphanage is a life changing experience. The faces of all the little angels will haunt you, the thoughts of your baby being left to grow up without "goodnight kisses" and "opportunities" is hard to comprehend, and differences between cultures/countries can leave you dumbfounded. Those who have traveled more extensively will be more prepared.

Becoming parents: For us, it was easy, natural, and comfortable. For us, it is strange to say our almost 2 yr old has been home for 3 months. After 3 months home the memories of Adoption have faded. We are simply a family. We do not worry about everything written in books, we do not worry if she cries there is bonding issues, we do not worry if she is too friendly it is a BAD sign of attachment. We do not do time-ins instead of time-outs (even though Cupcake has never had a time-out). We keep our eyes and ears open to be prepared to ask for assistance but for the most part we are confident we have wonderful resources within an arms reach if necessary in the future. Enjoying our lives together is our priority.

We wish all of you a speedy adoption if you are in the process. The best advice we can offer is reach out to other families for information and know you will learn patience in a different fashion!

Most of our friends who we met on the internet or bloggerland...WHO EVER WOULD HAVE THUNK?!?!? The journey was even more amazing having you right there...IN MOSCOW!!! I forgot how many babies and families I met in the 41 out of 100 days in Moscow but it was ALOT! Different agencies, different regions, and a lot of surprises along the way!

So what is my point- One year later of blogging, One terrific agency (Alliance for Children), One incredible family, (can't forget) ONE incredibly cooperative husband, 2 neglected dogs, and a great group of friends= A CUPCAKE!!!

Journal #199

Happy Memorial Day to Everyone! For some of us it was first holiday, second or third holiday with our little miracles! Just looking around the house yesterday could of brought tears to your eyes. Tiger, Tyler, Cupcake, and Baby Nic were all together. 3.5 blogger babies. Baby Nic's mom doesn't blog YET but we met through the blog.

Cute cute cute is all I can say! It was really special to all of us to be together. Marco, Cupcake, and I hope we can all do it again soon!

Any blogger babies in the area...July 21th will be the next get together for Cupcakes Birthday Bash. Just email for an invite!!!

Journal #198

This is an email I received from a few. All very credible individuals. I would like to take a moment to wish Lacey a quick recovery for her daughter. Also to thank her for taking the time during such a difficult time in their lives to want to inform all of us to be careful with hand sanitizers! Please take a moment to read....


"Ok. I don't know where to begin because the last 2 days of my life have been such a blur. Yesterday, My youngest daughter Halle who is 4, was rushed to the emergency room by her father for being severely lethargic and incoherent. He was called to her school by the school secretary for being "very VERY sick." He told me that when he arrived that Halle was barely sitting in the chair. She couldn't hold her own head up and when he looked into her eyes, she couldn't focus them.He immediately called me after he scooped her up and rushed her to the ER. When we got there, they ran blood test after blood test and did x-rays, every test imaginable. Her white blood cell count was normal, nothing was out of the ordinary. The ER doctor told us that he had done everything that he could do so he was sending her to Saint Francis for further test. Right when we were leaving in the ambulance, her teacher had come to the ER and after questioning Halle 's classmates, we found out that she had licked hand sanitizer off her hand. Hand sanitizer, of all things. But it makes sense. These days they have all kinds of different's scents and when you have a curious child, they are going to put all kinds of things in their mouths. When we arrived at Saint Francis, we told the ER doctor there to check her blood alcohol level, which, yes we did get weird looks from it but they did it. The results were her blood alcohol level was 85% and this was 6 hours after we first took her. Theres no telling what it would have been if we would have tested it at the first ER. Since then, her school and a few surrounding schools have taken this out of the classrooms of all the lower grade classes but what's to stop middle and high schoolers too? After doing research off the internet, we have found out that it only takes 3 squirts of the stuff to be fatal in a toddler. For her blood alcohol level to be so high was to compare someone her size to drinking something 120 proof. So please PLEASE don't disregard this because I don't ever want anyone to go thru what my family and I have gone thru. Today was a little better but not much. Please send this to everyone you know that has children or are having children. It doesn't matter what age. I just want people to know the dangers of this."

Thank you,

Lacey Butler and family
http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/sanitizer.asp

Journal # 197

It seems as though the adoption world in Russia has painfully slowed down as we all expected.

For the time being I will be posting on: "Life of Cupcake," which is located on the blogroll as "Our Daughter."

To all of the Special Mom's, New Mom's, and soon to be new Mom's....Have a Happy Mother's Day!

http://ourcupcake.blogspot.com/

Journal #196

The adoption world is quiet but there are a few agencies really pulling through quickly and efficiently for their PAP's. The numbers at the embassey seem really low. Hopefully when my next friedn reports the numbers will be a bit better.

An update to #193- I always say it and it is so TRUE. It is all about CHARACTER. Either an AIA cheerleader is bloggerland has nothing better to do than run to their agency with a "Lauren Post" or I guess there is a possibility adoptions are so painfuly slow because they have NOTHING better to do than read chat boards and MY BLOG? Who could take an agency seriously when they send a defensive letter over to my girlfriend's apartment via a Russian Rep about my post and referencing my blog? Professional? Classy? See people should always be aware of what they say and write because the power of words works in so many ways. If a few quotes from emails sent by this agency made its way onto my blog....It wouldn't be impressive! On a positive note- after 6 months passing from meeting the baby- THEY ARE ON THEIR WAY HOME!!! Congrats to ALL!!! Welcome home Baby Nic- We can't wait to come play!!!

Journal #195

Both of my girlfriends in Russia are excited to come home. Baby Michael will be joining his sister and parents on May 8th. CONGRATS K- I can't wait to hear the details!!!

ANDREA- the phone is free pick it up, I miss you-OOhhhhh are you tired- Is it hard to sit on the phone with a toddler??? Yeah yeah I UNDERSTAND!!!

Joanie and Family... Cupcake Thanks you so much for the PINK classic car- I wish you could have seen her face when it was put together! I know I said I was keeping Cupcake over at "Life with Cupcake" blog but I couldn't resist sharing this photo on both!

Everyone stuck in Russia for extra days because of holidays- You will be back home soon! For those of you on your way- Have a safe adn wonderful trip! Everyone else- Have a great weekend!

Journal #194

OMG! Is it bad enough to be with an agency who is slow in one of the fastest regions so you leave your child in Moscow City on November 30 and do not get a court date UNTIL April 10th? Is it bad enough to have an agency who basically feels annoyed with your questions and inbetween trips says you can gladly go with another agency? Curiously has anyone else taken so long in Moscow City? ANYWAY- Andrea arrived in Moscow with her parents in tow to share this special moment of picking up her son but as they arrived at SVO, her mother was put back on the plane and sent back to JFK- WHY? Because the travel agency (referred by the placement agency) sent her mother to Moscow on a single entry visa. They made three trips anyway BUT shouldn't SOMEONE have checked since the VISA is in Russian?

How sad on such a special day her mother will not be able to be with her! What a BIG BOO BOO!!!

Sorry Andrea- thinking about you and miss you much! Sorry Yeltsin died so you couldn't get Nic today and so sorry you will not have your mother tomorrow. On a positive note you are finished with AIA!

Journal #193

Bye-Bye Andrea! We can't wait to say "hello Nic!" One of my very good friends who you may have met through my blog entry on the day we arrived @ JFK (Andrea & Mario) who met us with an American flag and big hugs for Cupcake. She is on her way to Moscow on trip #3 to pick her son. It has been a long and difficult journey! We are sooo happy for you and your family!!! With so few children leaving Russia each and every child who can find their family is just a MIRACLE. Congrats again!

Journal #192

Lisa has reached Perm, met her girls, and sounds so happy! When you refer someone to your agency you hold your breath. Not because you doubt your agency. If this is the case yous houldn't refer but because ANYTHING can happen with adoption. I just feel happy tonight. It was a good way to end my day by reading Lisa's blog. They ugly truth is there isn't many children leaving Russia so everyone who gets home is one more forever family! Hurry home Lisa so you can get back to the girls to bring them home!!! Congrats!

Journal #191

Having been asked via email for updates on Dawn & Joe I will start with I do not know anymore than Thursday resulted in a later court date in June. Dawn described the findings as neutral for them adn not positive for the Birth Mother but Family Court will have to decide the fate of all involved! Let's all hope Baby Stephen makes it home sooner than later!

Delayed as usual on wishing Ann Marie & Zach a big congrats on their adorable son who they will be going back to St Pete's to bring home soon! XOXO

Tomorrow LISA will be leaving to meet her daughters. I am wishing you the best time of your life. These special moments are priceless. I am so happy to be traveling again through you!

Other than EAC & Frank I wasn't aware of any other agency bring home children so check out Denise's blog for a third option too. Anyone who can switch and bring another child home, There are too many waiting!!!

The Angels & Cupcakes I met are haunting me daily. I worry so much that by the time accreditation occurs they will age out of the desirable age for adoptions.

Have a good weekend!

Journal #190

When we go to bed this evening- Dawn will be waking up in Kaz for the final court ruling after being in country for 59 days, losing the first baby after 10 days, and the second child being put on hold the day Dawn was to get custody. The court process looks good but as we all know International Adoption has a personality of its own.

She has requested that everyone take a moment to light a virtual candle for Baby Stephen, Joe & Herself. Please take 2 seconds and reach out to another PAP who is stranded in the most awful predictament one could imagine!

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=SJD

Journal #189

This whole accredition mess with the media creating a frenzy is unfortunate. Now some people won't even attempt to adopt from Russia which means children won't find their forever families. I have even received emails from families wanting to switch to Romania or Ukraine. Please families do your homework. Romania has been closed to the US for a some. Ukraine is an option but with limitations on age of children they allow to leave.

Adoption Journey's have an end. Everytime I sign to read our header I wonder when our journey should be considered over. Well, Tuesday evening will be our first PPR (post placement report). This is my sign. I will continue to post adoption related tidbits and news on this blog but we will be moving on to "LIFE WITH CUPCAKE" so if you are looking for us, pictures, how life is progressing, and the continues chronicles of "Life With Cupcake," You can find us @

http://ourcupcake.blogspot.com/

Journal #187

This past weekend we did some family photos since my grandmother is in town from Florida, and Aunt Reesy who is Cupcake's godmother flew in from Atlanta.

Nana, Poppy Larry & Cupcake

Reesy, Me, Cupcake, My Mom (AKA Nana), & Grandma K

Pics of Cupcake with her 2 great grandmothers' coming soon...

Journal #186

What a sad day for Russian Adoption...It seems as the media is using terminology to create a panic but all of us have known the last of the accredited agencies would expire April 11, 2007.

In my month in Russia, I asked, begged, and inquired every where I went for information to bring home. The information I found at the MOE, through drivers', translators, and facilitators seemed to ugly to repeat. Of course I was hoping for them to all be wrong. This is an election year, there are very powerful politicians who get points for being Anti-International Adoption, the society in itself has no regards for orphans, and the overall consensus was June maybe July. However, some have said it will be soon after all agencies are expired. Others feel if it isn't completed by June it will not happen until after summer holiday.

I believe no one knows but I do believe in Russian culture not many care about the orphans or they wouldn't be able to discard 750,000 precious lives.

So today is sad for all of the families who are waiting, and a tragedy for the children waiting for their loving families!

Journal #185

Where is Cupcake????

My grandmother used to make "Time Out" dolls so we put them next to Cupcake. Cute?

Check out the pics below too of Cupcake's first day to a Gymboree Class with Tyler.

Journal #184

Today is a special day. One month ago today Cupcake, my mother, and I departed Moscow, arrived at JFK, and Cupcake spent her first night in Project Pink aka Cupcakeland.

I will finish the post when I return home.

Sorry for the lack of postings but I have been quite ill since March 16th. Off to the doctor's...Well, the doctor has ordered a million tests to begin at 7am tomorrow morning YUCK! It didn't stop us from having a good day.

Cupcake and I met Tyler and Maria at a Gymboree class...As you see she loves bubbles....
Mom's Little Cupcake T-Shirt compliments of Baby Gap

Tyler gladly helps clean up as Cupcake waits to start taking the balls OUT of the box!
The only two who helped roll the tunnel back against the ball... It was very CUTE!
Cupcake- Happy 1 Month home, you are an absolute delightful daughter. You keep us on our toes and hope you continue to smile and giggle everyday of your life!

Baby Tyler- We love you. You are just a real SUPERBABY! We have a great time with you and Mommy!

911

For the past 2.5 weeks I have been ill with night fevers. I didn't go to the doctor because everyday I start to feel great but then it hits me again. NOT IMPORTANT as I will be on my way to a doctor but this is the reason i am posting at 4am.

There has been NO TIME in blogger history I have asked, talked about, or mentioned prayers. I am just not religious. HOWEVER, many of us in bloggerland are familiar with Dawn & Joe who have had a very difficult adoption from Kaz. After 44 days in Kaz, the loss of the first child they spent 10 days, a successful court date, Joe returning to the US, and Dawn preparing to get custody TODAY...They received news that AGAIN the birth mother has returned. She must wait until 5pm tomorrow to go to court. Again, they do not expect the adoption to be granted. She can not stay any longer as all funds have been exhausted and Joe is no longer in Kaz.

Prayers and MORE are needed for this family!

Journal #183

In the midst of Cupcakeland, I have neglected to voice some opinions, thank so many people who have contributed to our joy, and talk about my BETTER half who has demonstrated how a marriage can quickly change in so many wonderful ways.

First, those of you who send us well wishes, I always want to email you a reply but if you do not use the email link I can not respond! Helen and Elena (our embassy friends), we have wondered how you are all doing too but do not have your email!

Names(applying to babies only)- Always a debate on keeping the Russian name, moving it to the middle, and changing the name completely. For us this was a NO BRAINER!!!...A name is a gift from your parents. We both appreciate our names chosen for us by our parents. Most Russian names do not fit into American schools. We didn't want our child teased, we didn't want to explain why we didn't give her the gift of a name, and we wanted to do as we would a biological child.

NEXT- I feel like there should be a more spectacular "thank you" but I have never taken the time to discuss our agency. Alliance for Children deserves a special applause. Not only have they handled us properly and successfully but the many I have sent to them have been moved along so quickly in the system I am so impressed. I do believe any agency who didn't take applications when not accredited or without disclosure, runs like a top rated law firm, and does their job well is a company we would use again and again!

The beautiful changes one will see in their spouse...(I will finish later)

Journal #182

Monday was a relaxing play day for us. Everyday I take 4-5 toys into the den. I took her 2 favorites the *NEW* (read post #181) Einstein Jumper. This is neat because the 6 toy hooks that dangle toys all around can be changed so there are always different toys. The piana is one of the toys Marco bought when we were in Russia- It does so many things. She loves to turn the musical pages, click on the lights, and play with the greeen note. Yesterday marked the first day of 2 antenna's.

More excitingly when the phone rang about 4pm yesterday the voice on the other end said "WE ARE LEAVING FOR RUSSIA." Ann Marie & Zach are getting ready for take-off! Big Hugs from us to the both of you! I will never forget the first night we spoke in Decemeber. I was laying in the bathtub in the Safari Apartment in Moscow so I wouldn't wake Marco. This is when you decided to change to Alliance (our agency). You have been such a wonderful friend! We can't wait to hear about all of yoru adventures! Give Kate a SUPER BIG HUG from me too!

Journal #181

YIPPEE- Cupcake claps as she applauds the trip to see Tyler!
Oh Tyler..I just LOVE your toys!!! Thanks for sharing with me!
Tyler, I can't walk with you yet but you are SUPER BABY!
After a wonderful playdate with Baby Tyler on Friday (yes, on Friday-I am always behind these days!) Cupcake requested the same Baby Einstein Jumper. She couldn't tear herself away. Did she get one? Well, Maria, Tyler, Cupcake and myself headed right to Babies R Us to pick one up. We just never seem to get ONLY what we walk into a store to buy! Four bags, one hour, and a small incident of Cupcake bumping her lip and bleeding we made it home for a nap. Most of the weekend I was sick so Daddy filled in. Tomorrow I will try to post Mondays play day but it wasn't as exciting as Friday with Baby Tyler!

Journal #180

TWO WEEKS...Cupcake and I have been home for 2 weeks! We can't believe it! It just seems like she has been with us forever. The house LOOKS like she has been with us FOREVER! Her grandparents are smitten, her puppies feel neglected, and Project Pink is officially Cupcakeland. She has learned so much in 2 weeks. From the beginning I predicted we would have some issues with "grieving" as Cupcake was somewhere she was well cared for. There was so much love and so many children we were concerned about her reaction to being removed from this enviroment. I guess she never had so much one on one. She is thrilled with being hte center of attention ALL OF THE TIME! Seemingly, She has NEVER looked back?

We thank you Cupcake for being the most PERFECT daughter in the whole wide world. We can never love you enough. No matter how much I try to drown you in BIG KISSES you soak them up so lovingly. You go to sleep with a smile and wake with a big smile. Your compassion when you hear other children cry or even the dogs whine is so touching. Your playfulness and contagious giggles give us a new found energy. You give us so much more than we ever imagined. We are learning from you ten folds. We only wanted to give you the world, our hearts, and a forever family. You were the "IT" kid! XOXO

This is a pic of us leaving the grocery store. It is just a regular moment in our day. This is the smiley face I feel so lucky to see EVERYDAY!

Journal #179

First, Tiger and Cupcake played Hard to Get...

Next, they reached out to one another very SWEETLY!

For a moment they forgot they were in the US with unlimited FOOD!
It was an exciting day for the girls! They met at a mall...what could be better while in training! Both girls were so delightful to walk around the mall, to sit in the restrauant, and sit patiently in their strollers while we awed & cooed at little girl's stuff....Thanks Tiger & Laura for such a great day. We can't wait to see you next week! For more pics check out Laura & Rich's blog.

Journal #178

Tuesday we surprised Grandma and her 4th grade class. A very special thank you to all of the staff and students! Your generosity to our family was very special. We hope we can continue bringing Cupcake to visit so you can see her grow up!

My mother was so excited she had her whole class follow her downstairs to introduce Cupcake to another teacher. Blogger limits the photos but when she reached downstairs there is a great aquarium which she was so interested in!

At the end of show-N-tell with Cupcake she looks for Mommy. Yippee!

Again thank you Yeshivat Rambam for being such a special extended to family to my Mother and her family!

Journal #177
SECOND POST OF THE DAY-

Today was my Dad's birthday so Cupcake, Marco, and I met his party of 4 for lunch. This was the first time Cupcake met her great grandmother too. Going to lunch at 12 and home by 2 I was hoping she would nap. Never happened. We put her in her crib at 2. At 3 she was still playing and laughing in her crib. When I went to check on her, I could SMELL this darling daughter of ours as I entered. After changing her, she was not going back. I fed her creating a bit of a fit when the food was finished, gave her a bottle of warm milk-a repeat when it was finished, and cashed in the HAPPY CARD when I showed her the bath water running. Cupcake is a water baby. The site, feel, and taste of water excites her like nothing else. A matter of fact I have to run the water on cool so she can put her face under the facet to drink the water. The downside is after the water finishes draining from the tub she has a fit-EVERYTIME. Quickly I wrap her up in a towel covering ALL of her which pleasantly muffles the screaming. The best way to diffuse a SCREAMING Cupcake is to do the "Baby Massage." She loves when I rub her down with lotion. What a stupid mommy! How could I be so evil to accidently finish off her massage by rubbing down her arms, hands, and the MAGIC THUMB? OMG- call the police! Child Abusehotline & Department of Social Services! She lost it! By far unforgivable! SORRY CUPCAKE, I really didn't mean to spoil your perfectly tasting, chumped up thumb! Before all the drama she a precious little Cupcake!

The good news...by 7:30 she sleeping sweetly in Project Pink now known as Cupcakeland.

Journal #176

One week home...We took a ride to PA so Marco could select some products for the condo (not our home, a project he is working on). She was an ANGEL all day! Three hours in a car, lunch at Ruby Tuesday's, and no naptime. Usually I wouldn't go but I am glad the 3 of us spent the day together.

You know Saturday is a BIG shopping day and Cupcake's Mommy is training her little Cupcake to follow along! In one week she has been to two malls, Target, and Wegman's. She loved Nordstroms (she could crawl around the shoe section with other children) and Target was a close second since I could roll her down an aisle fast and then catch her. She met Tyler (Maria & Jeff's little one-scroll down to see the pic added of Tyler &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp; Maria #175), Auntie Lizzy, Tracie, and Keri & Domenic.

Cupcake's fear of the spoon has lessened. She has completed about 4 meals with a spoon (but a bottle ALWAYS follows!). Please DO NOT show her a metal spoon as she will still lip lock quickly.

She has taken about 8-10 steps. Marco and I play the walking game with her every night.

She is a GREAT sport to do fashion shows with Mommy. We pick out 3-4 new outfits and dress up to go show Daddy. A fashion show blog entry to follow soon!

After one week I realized naptime is Mommytime so I plan my life around the few hours she sleeps. It works out well. Sometimes I find myself missing her when she is napping ( I am sure this will not last long!)

We can't believe it has been one month since our Court Date, and home for a week. Really I can't imagine a day without our daughter home. She brings so many smiles to our faces all day long!

Here is Cupcake at Ruby Tuesday's on Saturday.


"Classic Cupcake" almost ready for naptime
Friday Morning after breakfast pretending to be a calm child


I have to make a mention of this chair by CHICCO - 2 thumbs up! We really enjoy having her sitting at the Island with us.

Happy Reading...In my attempt to catch up I have posted 5 entries #170-#175. This will take you from our last day at SVO airport to our first day out at home. We did arrive home MARCH 10TH!!!

Have a good weekend!!!

Journal #175
STILL CATCHING UP-March 10th-On our way to SVO Airport...
***PIC ADDED***
Today (Wednesday, March 14th) we repeated yesterday but a mini shopping day because today Cupcake had a meeting.

We rushed from the mall to meet Dr. Michelle. Cupcake's pediatrician was quite impressed with her first visit. We did a quick review for about 30 minutes, waved BYE-BYE, and rushed home for a mini nap because tonight was the big date with Baby Tyler!

The moment Cupcake laid eyes on Tyler she reached out to weeble him. He had no clue he was about to hang with a professional "WEEBLER." It was so great to have the kids together for Wednesday night dinner.

For those of you newer to blogland. Maria and I met on the puter in the summer of '06. We realized we lived about 10 minutes from each other, they were in the process of switching to our agency, and we begin to meet for lunch EVERY Wednesday in the city. Our first trips overlap by a weekend in December, and trip 2- 2 of 3 weeks we were living in Moscow only 2 blocks away! We hoped for pics from Moscow of the kids but they were given clearance to leave a day early- The day we got Cupcake.

Journal # 174

We stayed in until Tuesday but I couldn't take it anymore! Cupcake is now one of the girls so it was time to get some hard core training on a day with Mommy & Lizzy. First, I needed a 911 pedicure. STOP LAUGHING! You do not want to see the pic of my feet after 30 days in Moscow wearing damp boots. Cupcake and I did a lap around the mall while Lizzy got her pedicure. Then we switched. After we went to the Red Robin- I could not believe we were eating at a children's style restrauant but it was a great pick since Cupcake thinks it is so cute to throw food on the floor. She ate a few black beans from Lizzy's salad. We thought it was cute until LATER! Lizzy refuses to Target with me as she I am not QUICK enough for her taste! OH WELL LIZZYT..Cupcake and I had a blast!

She was sporting her ever so CUTE leopard sunglasses from Auntie Ann Marie. Thanks Ann Marie- I can not believe you found so many "cupcake" things for her. I may need a separate blog just for the huge box of stuff you sent. WE LOVE YOU BUNCHES!

Here is the Cupcake in training to be a professional Shopper...

Journal #173

Cupcake and I woke about 10 am on Sunday. Since we flew into JFK Marco had quite a ride to pick us up, deliver my Mom home, and put the girls to bed!

I was so excited to check on Cupcake in the morning. I walked into her room with a warm bottle of cereal, rubbed her back, and got the sweetest smile in the world. A whisper of "hands up" got me one little hand grasping my pinky, belly giggles, and a very very HEAVY baby as her diaper weighed as much as Cupcake!

After her bottle & a quick bath we went to visit Marco. He already went to grab an espresso. Next pic we are working on "Say CHEEZZZ."

Journal #172

Finally we landed...It was my pleasure to place Cupcake in Marco's arms! First, A BIG SURPRISE...Andrea, who is also adopting her son from Moscow, came to JFK with a big WELCOME HOME for us! It was great to finally meet after spending so many hours on the phone and emails. Mario and my mother dodged the camera somehow. I think we were just so excited to get home...3 more hours to our final destination!

Journal #171

Cupcake thought I was joking when I put her in the bassinet for a nap after take-off...


10 Minutes later...
She slept for about 2 hours, woke to a warm bottle, read her photo album, took a walk to Grandma, and went down for a second nap...
Here we go again...waking to a warm bottle...Now the joke is on Mama because for the next 3 hours there is NO MORE NAP TIME! ARGHHH!

Journal #170

Waking up Saturday morning...We woke up excited but Cupcake didn't want to wake since she didn't fall asleep until after midnight. My mom warmed her up by showing her video of Marco again and again.

#1 PIC-She loves watching Marco and herself weebling (strumming your bottom lip).

#2 What should I wear to go see Dada?

#3 A very excited Cupcake to put on her Jammies for naptime on Flight 31 to JFK (we hope!)

#4 Mom and Cupcake on the final seconds of our departure from our apartment.

#5 Cupcake and I upstairs at the restrauant (Marco & I ate there too 1st trip-same table). It is a great final place to sit and relax with a snack!

#6 FLIGHT 31 to JFK- When I saw the sign I couldn't believe I finished serving my time in Moscow, we were hours away from Marco, and Cupcake was about to be Little Miss USA.

Journal #169
I am going to try to catch up from our last night to our arrival...

Our Last Night... (March 9th)

Cupcake loves to sleep. Going to bed is never a problem. Maybe Mom and I doing the "We're coming to America" dance made falling asleep nearly impossible! We were happy she could hang with us!

I want Mommy's puter! 9 pm
I am going to get it!!!
GET ME OUT OF HERE! (10 pm)

Cupcake protesting sleeptime. (10:30 pm)
11 pm- Waiting to see the sunrise...

Trying to tune us out! (MIDNIGHT)

Journal #168

We are home safe and sound! The flight was easy. Cupcake is a true traveler like us! I have so many pics and so many details to share but I am so tired I can not see straight. After our ten hour flight we had a 3.5 hour car ride to Baltimore. The BEST surprise EVER was my special friend Andrea & Mario came to the airport with an American Flag, Welcome Home banner, and cute gifts for Cupcake. Andrea-you made landing in NYC so special. BIG HUGS TO THE BOTH OF YOU!!!

Cupcake woke in Project Pink with big smiles this morning. She seems like she has lived here with us forever. I will update with photos tomorrow!

Journal #167

Friday Morning is here! Finally we can scream, "We are leaving tomorrow!" I do want to cry, scream, laugh, and give a final sigh of relief. I have Cupcake! It has been 10 glorious days! Ok, so I have cried, screamed, and laughed over everything from the morning Marco and I were leaving for NYC to when my mother and I were on our way to bring her home to her first stinky (THANK YOU MOM, you know I was really about to pass out!). The emotions are running wild again. We are gladly leaving our space in Moscow for another family to move forward.

Tomorrow will mark the end of our Russian Adoption Journey in Moscow. It will be our daughter's last day in her country. For myself, it will mark the last moments to look around the country and society who has given me the most precious gift. How strange...We can not wait to come, we can not wait to leave. We can not understand the society who forgets about their children but we are eternally grateful for all they have to give to us. How can you not leave with a tear in your eye?

We are so far from home. The journey is exhausting. Certainly the process in not made to accommodate the families. To the contrary, the time away on multiple trips, financial requirements, and emotional rollar coasters can take a toll. Families seperated add to the difficulty of the process. We have to be excited to get home too!

This is a time we need to be together. Marco has not seen Cupcake since February 15th, and me since the 17th. We are excited for Delta 31 to land @ JFK airport!

There are so many I will thank in my final review but I wanted to end with Day 1 of Trip 2.
A MOMENT IN REVIEW:



The lip marked the beginning of trip 2...

A little bling bling washes away the tears...
A new pair of shoes makes it a SUNSHINEY DAY!

My mother and Cupcake are sleeping their lives away. I think they hope to wake up in thier beds at home. Mom told Cupcake to click her heels 3 times! Reality, I have so so so much to clean up, pack, and plan for our flight home. I am not quite sure where to begin but a trash bag may be a good start!

God Bless America!

Journal #166

Wednesday...Olga came by to bring us our passports. It was so exciting to feel completed. After the embassy she registered us at the Russian Consulate. We could have left today but traveling on Thursday or Friday by car to and from Baltimore to NYC is easier on Saturday so my mother, Cupcake, and I WAIT! Cupcake thinks we are home.

Today we went shopping and for a long walk. The weatehr is OUTSTANDINGLY sunny and warmer since I arrived. When we walk into the apartment she smiles so big!

Today was the first day I was able to get her to eat from a spoon. This was the most amazing progress! She locks her lips, rolls them in, and turns her head at the site of the spoon.

How do I feel? Like I need to get He&%$C out of this *&^C$@# place. I have spent 41 nights out of 100 in Moscow. For the most part I have had an enjoyable time and a perfect ending to the most special moments of our life. However, I do miss HOME!

Mom and I are counting the seconds....

Journal #165
4 more days...
So much today!!!
Today was ONE WEEK WITH CUPCAKE. It has been filled with so many hugs & kisses and bunches of fun! She sleeps, eats, and plays easily! She has enjoyed company, restrauants, and long walks.

Cupcake was enjoying her first Bubblegum flavored DumDum. Yes, I had to hold it for her the whole time but she gave me a quick photo op in her "I LOVE CUPCAKES" T.

A nice surprise visit from Baby "D" yesterday so Cupcake had Company. I didn't mention who I met at the embassy since they didn't post but I did run into Rob&Michelle so they came by. We shared a taxi to Arbat St to meet another family for lunch and shopping. All 4 children were so amazing at lunch. The kids enjoyed getting out for a few hours. SO did all of us!
This is Cupcake's classic HURRY IT UP position. Within a sec she turns around as she was itching to play with the switch!


Comfort. Not only has Cupcake developed a comfort with my mother and myself but she has gone to the next level.

Journal #164
5 more days...

Emotional. After the moment in court where they said BLAH BLAH is the Father, BLAH BLAH is the Mother, and the minor child known as, will officially be BLAH BLAH, and walking out with Cupcake last Tuesday from the Baby Home- NOT one moment had me as choked with joy as clearing the US Embassy and seeing her Passport. Even the American flag had me a little emotional! It was a very happy day. ARGH-Mom starting crying and I KNEW PEOPLE there! We ran into another blogger friend at the embassy, and another family who said HELLO after recognizing us from the blog. There was about 11 children. SOOO adorable!

Leaving for the US Embassy
Someone please tell me how to get this child out of the bath?
Yes, I thought bringing a stroller would be insane. She is small, light, and I will love snuggling her in my Hip Hugger...UH NO! Morning #1 I wake up not able to move my neck and my upper back is ruined! Therefore we headed to Children's World on Sunday! Cupcake and I are both
THRILLED with this decision. It was a hard day's work! She has to listen to Mom and Nana singing, dancing, swinging, tossing, and tickling her all day! (CHOU-CHOU she loves the blankie!)

Cupcake's first high chair seating @ Friday's on Novy Arbat. Please take my advice and avoid at ALL COSTS!!! There are so many steps into the restrauant, there are even more when you enter, and if you need the potty you are running down. Too difficult with a little one! We don't like Friday's at home either! We did meet some friends so we had a blast!

Journal #163

Today Grandma, Cupcake, and I walked to the Marriot Courtyard to meet A & F. F is 3 yrs old a charming little Prince. Cupcake's first lunch date with an older boy but don't tell Dada!

It was our first long walk in the baby carrier. Sitting in a restrauant (Coffeemania- MY FAVORITE!) with 2 little one's is not a common scene! Russians do not take out their little one's out like American's.

These two were IMPRESSIVE. Active but well behaved. It was not a quick child friendly lunch as we had soup, lunch, and coffee. As long as they were happy we relaxed. Since A & F are waiting to pick up there baby sister/daughter there was a double stroller. WOOHOO! Cupcake thought this was the amusement ride of the century. Every bump, step, and pothole got a giggle on our way home to play.

Schedule...Almost all baby homes provide the parents with their schedule. Me... I folded it and put it in her memory folder. I do find a schedule to be frightening but I know it is good for her. I just figured we will work it out together.

The first accomplishment was the food. Since I was able to feed her about a dozen times I tasted it so I could make it. It only took a day to figure it perfectly for her. The milk bottle gets about 4 oz of rice cereal I premix with hot water, and add whole milk. In the morning I make 2 oz of formula to add to this concoction for extra calories and vitamins.

In the baby home she would drink one 7oz bottle of milk/cereal for breakfast at 6:30am. At 11:45, she had 2 bottles-one milk cereal and one compote. At 3 she had another compote bottle for snack. 6:30 dinner one last milk bottle. Even though I do not boil the fruit to make the compote, I take a jar of baby peaches, pears, or all natural juice with hot water. Yesterday I used banana juice and hot water. She really liked it too.

I am not quite sure how she is so healthy on this diet! Now she has almost doubled her intake. I offer her two bottles at every meal 4-5 times a day. She drinks all of her cereal and usually half of the fruit which is fine.

Our new favorite toy is a spoon. She has learned to clink and clank the spoon inbetween her teeth. We are hoping this will assist in her interest in eating off the spoon. For now, we get a big lipless smile as she clenches her lips at the sight of food on a spoon.

Everything is quiet her. Papa Larry and Uncle Joe have headed back to the USA. Ok, Mom and I are a bit jealous!

The baby's passport came in yesterday so we can leave Thurday but it just isn't worth changing our tickets. We will be arriving at JFK on March 10th as scheduled.

I will try to post some pics but most are with the other child so I have to see if I can find one of just Cupcake.

Journal #162

Cupcake (AKA Pebbles) is TOO MUCH! Our first day (Wednesday) she woke up all giggles! We had to go to get pics for the visa, doctor visit for the embassy,and bring flowers & sign book at the MOE. She weighed in at 8.36kilo. She was really great! She is eating well, sleeping well, and keeping me very busy! High energy baby!

Getting out of the tub created a P'Oed baby. My, I didn't expect such a water baby. She liked dunk her head and loved when I poured water over her head to rinse the shampoo. She settles down quickly. Fifteen minutes later (9:15pm) she was Sleeping Beauty!

At 7am on Thursday, I woke her for breakfast. We washed up and started again! She was great. At 11am she conked out. Again I had to wake her. 2pm we had lunch, went out for a walk, played, dinner, bath, and nite nite at 9. She may be the first to be able to put me on a schedule! Only two problems: getting out of the bath, and most of all the 12mo clothes I brought for her are too big so we are a bit short on clothing. Oh well- I guess the girls will have to go shopping!

Journal #161

Reflections. No matter how much you try to record the biggest day of your life it will become a bit of a blur. Already the time is flying. The changes are unreal. The most memorable time of my life is just that...a memory. Life has moved forward with making bottles and changing diapers (with Mom's help).

Here are a few fond seconds from yesterday:

As we walked out the door I saw the big lip. The Niagra was about to flood. Out comes the video of day 2 when she screams. What an amazing cure all!

We waived bye-bye to all of the wonderful ladies who took such loving care for 6 months. Also to all the other little cupcakes who are waiting for a family.
Well, it was a lot for my first peek of the world. Thanks to Chou-Chou (My SBP), Cupcake was wrapped snuggly warm when she fell asleep on my lap.



I know some of you are going to think I am a wacko but I could do yesterday one more time. Maybe I would catch a glimpse of a few things I probably missed when I was too emotional for all of the kind things being said, or too worried about how Cupcake would be when I kidnapped her from the only little life she has known.

How does today feel? Natural. I look at her like I have known her since the moment she took her first breath. I thank her for being an angel. How can one be so funny, engaging and comfortable? I am happy and worried. I am her mother.

Of course if she decides to be a nightmare on the plane I may pretend my mom is her mother!

Journal #160=7

Cupcake is sleeping soundly. It was an amazing day! Long and tiring for all of us. Details to follow. Goodnight!

Journal #159

Today Cupcake met Grandma. She showed her the dogs walking with a man. They played in the balls, sang, danced, and played some more.

Today Cupcake realized she didn't like when her Mommy picked up the other children. She soured her face and did hands up real fast. She cried hard when I walked out so I turned back to pick her up. We did a high five, she gave me a BIG smile, and I handed her to Irina.

Today I realized my heart would break to leave my daughter crying. Tomorrow I would be making bottles and changing diapers. My new life is beginning. I am living it.

Today I realized there is no more "I" and only "US". I know the three of us are about to embark on the journey of LIFE as a family.

Yesterday I called home. I wasn't sure if the line had static but Marco asked me if we needed diapers. All I could do was ask where he was. He told me he went stupid. I wasn't sure what this meant. He decided to go to ToysRUs in the middle of a snowstorm.

See Ladies- Retail Therapy is for men too! I realize now how difficult it must be for him to be waiting for us.

We will be home soon!

Journal #158

EDIT: 11:15pm EST- 7:15am Moscow Time: Mom and I are getting ready for her to meet her grandaughter for the first time!
Which is more exciting Mom, Larry, & Joe coming in a couple of hours or Cupcake's arrival on Tuesday?

Since I s0und like a broken record the past three days I thought I would do a little recap of some moments in Moscow.

The first photo is my better half. I didn't say better looking. When he saw this costume in the playroom he couldn't resist. I was quite nervous this would make Cupcake crumble but she was amused. Maybe this is a character she knows?

Valentine's Day was suppose to be a big deal. Jeff and Maria were coming for dinner and we just finished our COURT DATE! After calling home to a few people I fell asleep face down on the sofa. Waking up at 10:30 we missed J & M but Marco was thrilled that he was able to finish working (quietly=me sleeping)so I made us a little dinner...
The gift bags were fun to make. I put them together when we arrived. It was an evening activity. I missed my photo op for the gift bag for the Director which was super beautiful but the one's below are for all of the caretakers. The pink ones' have some extra's for Tatiana and Irina who are the one's Cupcake looks to like Mama...In the bags: hat, scarf, glove, squishy socks, perfume, flavored lip gloss/chapstick, lotion, a wallet with a photo of Cupcake and American coins, 2 handfuls of assorted candies (minatures m&m, twix, and snickers in pink wrappers from the V-Day Candy)
I know these pics aren't as exciting as seeing Cupcake on the big red POTTY. Many opinions on this one. I received many emails about the big red POTTY. My opinion remains the same or I would not have let them put her on it. The kids do not mind, it does not hurt them, and it beats the freezer room! However, I think it is silly to call it potty training as they are BABIES. WHATEVER!

I have to go clean up a bit. Hope Monday brings what everyone is waiting for...

Journal #157

Today I spent the last visit "just the 2 of us" and it went so quickly it is now a blur. The second day in a row I was sitting on the floor next to her crib waiting for her to wake up. She must think I am the *NEW* Caregiver! She wakes up with a sunshiney smile that make me smile too.

We played in her room today. The other children were in the icebox for the better part of the morning. I just wanted to call 911 so the fireman could come and rescue them (see below if you missed yesterday's post).

We (Tatiana and I) changed her clothes, put her shoes on, and off to play we go. It was a nice day together because I feel her becoming closer to me. She comes to me when I put out my hands, she hands me a different toy when she is done, and loves to sit and review the previous days video's. We have been working on High five's, clapping, raspberries, and blowing kisses. She is quite impressive.

As I mentioned before, our first referral is now in her group. At the end of the day Cupcake climbed in the pit to play and when she saw referral number one playing with the tamborine we were playing with earlier, she climbed out of the pit to work her way over to the child. Anastacia (referral 1) turned around quickly as she knew Cupcake was about to ATTACK. My sweet little Cupcake grabs her dress, pulls her, and takes the tamborine. She was only short of slugging her. I was SHOCKED that my sweet little Cupcake was such the bully! I called her, she dropped the tamborine and crawled to me in a split second with hands up...OH GOSH she can do know wrong! I think she knows! So much for a lesson in sharing. As I picked her up I looked at in her eyes she looked at me, high fived, giggled, and I gave her kisses all over! Hmmm, probably not the thing to do but I won't see her tomorrow. TOMORROW...

When I got home I cooked dinner at 4 pm. In my mind all I have to do is eat dinner, go to sleep, wake up, take a shower and MOM will be here! I am so excited to them!!!

Journal #156

Today's (3 hour) visit was great! I felt as though I saw it ALL! Maybe more than I was prepared to see! First, the other 11 children behind a door in Cupcake's room shocked me! I have never heard them before. A matter of fact I thought it was the secret terrace where the children nap. However, the 10 down syndrome children and the one severely FAS child (who happened to be our 2nd referral) were behind this door! Next-I FOUND THE TERRACE! OMG- here is why our children get bronchitis and have a perpetual cold...

She is dressed in the usual layers, snowsuit, wrapped in a wool blanket, her hat, and then placed in this bunting which is usually tied. Not a peep in this room as the children appear frozen alive. I was amazed, confused, and shocked as it was explained to me they do this twice a day for an hour in 32 degrees F for the children to get fresh air. In less than 2 minutes my teeth were chattering and I had to exit!


I continued to smile through the next segment. After lunch, it was POTTY time. Cupcake has no CLUE AT ALL why she is placed on the big red chair with a seat belt. She knows she doesn't like the belt so she fiddles around with it, then she starts giving herself a pedicure, then she holds her head as if she is annoyed. Finally I held my hands out and she was quite excited to get the heck out of the HOT SMELLY potty room. By the way, I was too!

Still I think all of the women, the baby home, and the director are AMAZING. I do find some of there daily habits INSANE!

Mom, Larry, & Joe...HURRY- I can't wait to see you!

Journal #155

What a Wednesday! I hired a car to take me to the baby home. Thank you Andrei! This was "SOLO" no interpretor in tow! When I arrived Cupcake was sound a sleep but I really enjoyed watching her quietly sleep with her little thumb in her mouth. It was such a Kodak moment! If you missed my last post I abused my Sony...it died! No more pics until the family arrive with a camera for me on Sunday!

Whoever would of thought, thinked, or thunk that a cute little Cupcake could wake up like the BIGGEST stinky POO POO ever! Whew I was glad it wasn't the day for me to change adn take her! I might have cried or handed her to MOM! Whoa, Baby you can not do this when we get home, LOL! Anyway, I got to see how the Caretakers clean the babies. After removing the diaper and stripping her down off to the bath. AH HA...now I understand why they say she gets about 3-4 baths a day. The cool part was I got to watch. They do not submerge the baby into water. While Cupcake was standing and the Caretaker was kneeling on the side of the tub holding one hand she sponge bathed her and showered with a hand held. Now we can bath her this way for a bit until we show how much fun a REAL bath it. The disturbing moment for the day was I got to see what I didn't want to believe. A 14 month old baby girl seat belted into a high chair with her potty chair on top. She was in there prior to my arrival and still strapped on the potty until after Cupcake was showered and dressed. Arrgghh!

We went into the playroom. This is the first time she tried to climb on the trampoline. With a little assistance she got it. Then to the ball pit. The day ended with the car... she is already to drive! We played for 2 hours, fed her 2 bottles, changed her into jammies, and gave her BIG KISSES.

Everytime I leave it is more difficult. Everytime I leave I miss her more...the closer it gets the harder it gets!

After I had the driver take me to The Renaissance to visit Laura, Rich, & Tiger. OH MY what cheeks and polkies this little one has! We had lunch real quick. Laura and I took the shuttle back to Tverskaya, and HIKED in -15 to the big baby store. painful walk!

By the way, no one heard from me yesterday because I slept until 11:30, made lunch, laid back in bed to watch a few episodes of Law & Order. Basically I did nothing until I heard from Maria & Jeff. I was waiting for the green light to visit Tyler. What a superman he will be with the biggest blue eyes. I must say he was really amazing for a first day home. When I walked in it was like he has been there forever! It was really incredible for them to share this first day home with me!

Tomorrow is going to be a repeat of Tuesday. NOTHING but relaxation! Friday I will repeat today. Sunday my family arrives. Monday Nana will meet Cupcake. TUESDAY is the big day to bring her to the apartment to meet Poppy and Uncle Joe too!

Journal #154
Saturday Night Photo Update: "The Girls In Moscow"
Laura, Lauren, Kate, & Maria

Today was my first day SOLO to the baby home. Waking up was super easy even with little sleep. I was really looking forward to seeing Cupcake today so we could have some Mommy & Me time. She didn't cry today but as a precaution I pulled out the video camera to play back some tears and giggles. She really loves watching herself. When Cupcake was watching the video of Marco playing with her lips she looked around the room. It was cute. We headed into the ball pit, tried to get her to eat (NYET NYET NYET!!!). She refuses to eat once she gets a sniff of the bottle. Her lovely Caregiver's prepare a new bottle of cereal, she drinks her compote, and is ready to play. She skipped her morning nap so she was a bit calmer. In the process of holding her, the camera, and the video camera...My camera crashed into a chair. It was the third and final blow in the past 2 days for my fairly new and loved Sony. I am almost embarrassed to use my warranty when I return as I have clearly ABUSED my favorite toy! A new one is being overnighted to the house so my mom can bring it to me on Sunday which equates to 3 visits with no camera. If I hold it together with one hand I can get it to work sometimes but no promises for new pics on the blog until next week.

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY for Jeff and Maria so I am super excited to meet Baby Tyler tomorrow night. BIG HUGS & KISSES to you both!!!

Journal #154

Yesterday when Kate & I went to visit Cupcake I noticed a few changes. Even though she greeted with a few big tears for the second time, she comes to me very quickly. When I walked away leaving her with Kate so I could grab a ball she wimpered as she intensley was watching where I was going.


Kate and Cupcake had fun too but she did check in to make sure I was closeby. Maybe without Marco, who doesn't like to SHARE our daughter realized I wasn't the Nanny?


Today was the celebration of the mirror. She was really into every mirrow she could glance in. After we watched a couple video's together we went into the ball pit. The three of us got in and played for quite awhile.

One of the cutest moments of the day is when she stood up in the ball pit and started looking at the baby in the mirror. Then she bent down to pick up a ball and share it with the baby. She held it out for a minute or two but the other baby had the same ball, lol.

When I returned her to the playroom area with all of her friends she BAWLED so I picked her up for a few tickles and kisses. When I put her back in I figured out it would be difficult to leave her. I held her tight for a few minutes until her Caregiver was finished with another child. I squeezed her cheeks, kissed her nose, and left quickly.

After I took a deep breath I counted 4 more visits until I never have to leave her! I don't think I can handle much more. At least when Marco and I leave together we can laugh and talk about the day. Leaving alone will prove to be more difficult in the upcoming week.

Kate and I departed today but M-W-F I am solo...OH KNOW! I can just imagine my brain being stuck on leaving her!

Tuesday Tyler will be home with Maria&Jeff, and One more week until Mom, Larry, & Joe come!!!

Who is the baby in the window? She has the same ball too!

Journal #153

Friday started about noon waiting for the driver to pick the 4 of us (Maria & Jeff) to head over to Arbat St. We walked around for a bit. I was able to find the Faberge lockets I was looking for. Then we went to a nice little cafe in the building where Maria & Jeff are residing.

Then the SURPRISE guest called to say she arrived at the train stop near the DUMA so I got dressed in SUPER warm clothes to meet KATE! We went to get a coffee. It didn't work out well as we asked three different waiters for a menu and twenty minutes after we sat down we still did not have our hot chocolate and raspberry cappy. I thought with Kate's impressive Russian we would get better service but NOPE!

We stopped to get a snack and came home. Marco, Kate and I chit chatted until very late.

Marco got ready to leave at 10 am to head to the airport. Kate and I headed to Cupcakeland. What a day! Cupcake was a bit confused looking for Daddy. The 3 girls spent a very active day together.

Kate needed some girl stuff at LUSH. What is a girl to do when she is running low on moisturizer? Coincedently I found one on Arbat St so we headed over.

Now Kate is taking a cat nap and I am going to figure which of the million pics to post before I fall asleep too.

Journal #152

The first day seeing our daughter...was different! Of course we went more excited then any other time as it would be the first time we met as her parents. Anxiously I went to wait outside the door so I could peek as she was being primped and prettied to see us. As she caught a glimpse of me she started to BAWL. I was thinking why didn't I just wait like Marco in the playroom? I can't WAIT! So I reached out my fingers. She took them as she slid off of her Caregiver's lap (BAWLING) and we proceeded to walk, her infront , her little hands grasping my fingers and still BAWLING. I walked Marco's loudly screaming daughter over to him. He picked her up onto his lap, she silenced for a half a second to stare at him...and continued BAWLING for as long as it took me to dig out the video camera. Again I played the video from Sunday when she was demonstrating her lung capacity. It startles her for a second she smiles. Luckily she SMILED ALL DAY. I was worried for a minute on how this visit was going to turn out but it was the BEST of them all. All three of us had a BLAST.

This was the last visit for the three of us together to do all of the things we always do. We play with the ball, the rattle, the piano, and kick around a ball for a quick game of soccer. Somewhere in the middle we change her into PINK, feed her 2 bottles, and manage to get about 100 pics & video's.

Our time quickly draws to a close so we return her to her friends. It is hard to imagine 3 hours flew by! With many hugs and kisses and even more tickles we turn to leave.

The next time we will be together seems so far away. Marco leaves Russia on Saturday. My family comes on the 25th and we will not be back home until March 10th.

My schedule: Tomorrow night I have a surprise blogger friend coming to spend the weekend so I am excited. Next week I arranged for a driver to bring me to the baby home M-W-F. Sunday my Mom, Larry, & Joe come for the week. On the 27th Mom and I will bring Cupcake to the apartment. Then the 3 girls are on their own for a week in Moscow. Then we will fly to JFK. When we arrive Larry and Marco will come to bring us home.

OK, I am not ready to rush time. I want to embrace every second through the final moments. If I wasn't so sleepy I probably would have continued until her Sweet 16!

Goodnight Everyone...not without a Little Cupcake...




The first picture of us as Cupcake's parents.
First Valentine's Day Pic with Daddy!

Journal 1+5+1

February 14, 2007 @ 11:20am Moscow time the Judge in the Moscow Region approved the adoption of Cupcake! We were granted the "key to our hearts" on Valentine's Day!

Journal #150

Happy Tuesday! I guess we are back on US time. We just finished our eggs, bacon and toast (7am EST). We are laying around doing NOTHING! When we woke the streets were cleaner than ever and the snow was gone. Two hours later the filthy, slushy streets and sidewalks are back to normal.

Here is one thing all of us will agree on no matter what stage of the process you may be...Russian adoption is full of many surprises, changes, and unpredictable days!

Today we had the BIGGEST SURPRISE! BUT, it is a secret until tomorrow. Not because I am such the "surprise" kind of person but it could change again. Can't jinx myself on this one!

I finished the post from yesterday so if you want to check out our dinner with Maria & Jeff, or IF you need a little CUPCAKE fix scroll down!

Journal #149
Monday:

We received our court today for early Thursday, February 15th. (Court on the 13th, 14th, or 15th result in taking custody on the 27th)

I was so tired yesterday and blogger kept giving me problems posting pics so I have learned after a try ot two to do it later. Here is later which is a combination of a great dinner with friends and a little more CUPCAKE!

Sunday Night:
We had dinner with Maria and Jeff. Below you see their entree's. The Butterfish and the Veal tenderloins. As you see the dishes are served on GIGANTIC plates (platters), and the PepperMill is all of 4+ft too. Three words to describe the restrauant: Ecletic, Contemporary, & Fusion. Rating ****/Outstanding. The restrauant is located around the corner from the Marriot Courtyard. It was recommended by Melissa & Mike. Thank you both. We had an outstanding 4 hour dinner!

Cupcake Time:

Today was a bit manic. Our first hour was spent with the Chucky Doll but an hour later Cupcake appeared. All joking aside it is so sad to watch your child in pain. She doesn't cry for attention or for you but she will for pain. Her teething pain is genuine. In her case it was severe. She saw Marco's hand and there she was again anxious to play Peek-A-Boo. This time it was really great because she put her face down and up. When she giggled it was too much!

In the next photo look at the AIRBOURNE white video camera. We took a video of her tantrum. When we showed her the video she took note. She watched intensely, and changed her frown upside down quickly. When she was finished watching herself she tossed the camera. It was quite cute!!! By the way, the pink outfit is one of the smallest of the 12mo clothing I had but it was a bit big. She seems a bit narrow so the lengths are great but the waist was still a bit big.

For those who do not know we are not able to post pictures of her so you will notice her face does not appear. (I can take photos but these are Blog Appropriate).

We will not be going to visit until Wednesday. Marco needs some rest, Maria & Jeff missed Tyler so they took the driver for the day, and I am drinking tea and straightening up things today.

Journal #148

We are on our way for our caffeine injections and then to visit Cupcake. Hopefully she will be feeling a bit better.

For the record-"the Antenna Do" was compliments of the Caretakers. Sorry to dissappoint, but we are not that creative YET! Be back in a bit!

Journal #147

When you walk out of our apartment there is the largest Women's Club? Men's Club? It is the Russian Chippendales! The billboards are quite explicit! We are going to have to cover Cupcake's eyes! I am getting smarter I know if I post Cupcake news first you will never read the junk! Keep going...

We arrived at the baby home about 10:30. She was not feeling well as she has been teething. Cupcake must of hatched at least 4 more teeth since we have seen her, she had the "Antenna" hairdo (the little pony tail standing straight up on her head!). She was a "daddy's girl" today as she didn't care much to move off his lap. She was sleepy, cranky, and CRIED. It was the first time we saw tears! We were happy to see tears, not happy she was crying. She clearly didn't want to play and felt crummy. We felt like she needed to be left alone today so we gave her BIG hugs, kisses, and tickles. After her spirit was lifted we felt content to leave. After leaving last trip we knew she was in good hands but it was a relief to see her!

After we returned we met Maria & Jeff to head down to the largest baby store. It is not to far from Duma. It is almost to big to have fun as you think you just can't see everything. BUT- an Italian can stiff out Italian shoes from miles away so once Marco landed all of the Italian shoes, examined the stitching, picked the colors, and decided on the her first shoes...the lady brings them out. The last pair in her size so the shoe on the floor was the other half. It was a bit discolored. OMG- I was going to be stuck in the baby shoes for the rest of the day. The picture doesn't do them just but they are multi colored suede's with hand stitching. We decided on a pair of Ecco's for her but we have to get them tomorrow but he couldn't resist...Here are her FIRST SHOES:

If you made it this far you deserve a little Cupcake! Here is a peek of them playing Peek-A-Boo...(look at the little antenna). Goodnight

Journal #146

Good Evening from Moscow. We have arrived well but we were not able to see Cupcake today. I did know this prior to arrival but after I posted. Maria gave me the news which was a good thing! We have unpacked, Maria and Jeff came by, we walked to get a snack, and a quick trip to the grocery store. We will be picked up tomorrow at 9 am so we can have a happy Cupcake day! Stay tuned: Tomorrow-xxx pics of the scenery outside of our very awesome apartment! You can check it out here: http://www.go-russia.com/apartmentsdetails.php?id=138

EDIT:

Good Morning from Moscow! It is 5:30am. After the last hour of tossing and turning I do not have to worry about oversleeping. I have given up on sleeping since I am to excited to go visit Cupcake and all of her friends!

Journal #145

We are going to see Cupcake tomorrow!

Journal #144

Emotional! I never imagined waking up with all of these feelings. I guess it is good to feel but it is a bit overwhelming in a good way. Tonight will be last time we have dinner as the family we have known for five years. There are a lot of "last things" that are about to happen today. It is a bit strange, it has given me a few tears, and a lot of smiles thinking about the changes. Our reality is we are two self-centered (at times) individuals with no routine, complete independence, and a free spirited lifestyle. We come and go on planes, boats, and automobiles with usually little or no plans. Schedules, routines, itineraries, and advanced commitments are not usually liked by us. We have been labeled Type-E personalities so we respect one anothers' space and off the hook needs to come and go. Now maybe you understand why we never discussed children, LOL. On the other hand, we are stable, responsible adults who come from loving families who are a big part of our lives. Even more importantly we both fell inove "FOR REAL" with the same little Cupcake at the same exact moment. Neither of us EVER believed in "Love at first sight" until we met Cupcake. She truly defines for us, "When our eyes met across a crowded room..."
Looking forward to the complete spectrum of emotions as we embark on the final leg of our adoption journey to Russia.

Anyway, I woke-up early to bake blueberry muffins, warm the espresso machine, and make sure our last breakfast was peaceful and relaxed. A surprise email came through from Melissa. She was a bit surprised I was awake so she called to say they have arrived well in Rostov. Kevin sounded like he was an angel on their long trip to find his sister. Tomorrow they will have court. Not an hour later (5:30amEST) Maria & Jeff were emailing to say "One More Day" and by the way can you brings us: microwave popcorn, Equal, mayo, 12 ft USB cable, and a 16 ft coaxial cable. Also if possible we could use a deck of cards. ANYTHING FOR YOU GUYS! I already packed the extra cell phone. What if I was normal and my suitcase was busting at the seams? After looking last night all of these extras may actually fill my 29 inch suitcase! I do remember the days traveling with as many pieces of luggage as possible. I think it was New Year's about 3 years ago when I packed 8-9 pieces for 4 days that Marco said NO MORE. Ok, honey but you know I like our linens, towels, blankies, and pillows (you seemed to enjoy them too!) but I will work on it. Working on it meant ONE PIECE of luggage for the rest of our lives.

My big plans for the day are to do the little nothing errands I blew off yesterday since it was too cold to leave the house. Yes, I better get use to it QUICKLY!

To all my blogger friends: All of you have been so tremendous during this time in my life I barely know what to say! From kind words to great advice I thank you with all of my heart!!!

Journal #143

The anxiety...Rolling over to see the clock at 4:30am has to be a Karmic connection to Maria. They had court at 11am. The next time I speak to my girlfriend she will be a MOMMY! Lucky number seven did it again! By the way, we met Cupcake on the 7th.

Today's plan is to pick up Marco's Lipitor-(his solution to being able to eat his proscuitto, swiss, and mayo sandwiches), write a few notes to Mom & Larry who will be staying with the furry children while we are away, and make sure all of our batteries for all of our cameras are charged and packed. As you see another busy day in my life of watching the countdown until Friday morning! I just want to be able to say, "Cupcake, we will see you tomorrow!"

Journal #142-

There is a final edit at the bottom but this one should be it for today. We are leaving on Friday as it is too complicated to change it by one day. They have agreed to pick us up at the apartment upon our arrival to take us to see Cupcake on Saturday. Apparently Moscow Region is requiring a certain number of visits before court. Also I am being asked by many when is our court date. Good question but in Moscow Region we are not given a date but given the week of...the 12th is our week so we will have court on the 13th, 14th, or 15th.

There is no good reason to be awake at 6am!

One of the first nights I fall asleep early an email comes in from our agency. Can you imagine how excited/nervous I was to wake up at this ridiculous hour to see an email? HOLD your horses-it was just a quick question to ask when we are arriving and IF we get confirmation today, the facilitator would want us out there ASAP as we need to get in a few visits before court. Always great to wake up to a little laughter. Well, let us check our schedules to see if we can make it? Maybe a picture of the suitcases by the door would be appropriate to send in the response email?

On a happy note- Maria & Jeff are with Baby Tyler. I know they are thrilled!

Also a BIG GOODBYE to Melissa, Mike, and Baby Kevin who are on their way to get Baby Olive! Have a pleasant flight!!!

EDIT #1- You guys thought I was joking but the email went!



FINAL EDIT : We received the call at 10:15 asking if we can get to Russia earlier? There are no flights on Wednesday from JFK to SVO...We are trying for Thursday!

Journal #141

Monday has come and gone in Russia. I hesitate to say Tuesday is the day but I think today is do or die as far as getting a court date for the week of the 12th. Our agency has been wonderfully compassionate by sending email and calls just to check-in. They are hoping to call us tomorrow and we are hoping they call with what we want to hear. We all know how this process works so as long as we limit it to "HOPE" and not expectations we will survive like everyone else who suffers delays. Seeing Cupcake on Sunday is all I think about. I am so curious to know if she is walking, eating from a spoon, and whatever else may have changed in the 8 weeks since we have been with her.

Goodnight-

Journal #140

It is about 5:30 pm on Sunday in Moscow. This time next week we will be in our apartment on Tverskaya Street. I feel so close to Cupcake as I know we will be here soon!

Any other super organized people who feel like they never have anything to do last minute, lol? Trying to fill the time until we leave on Friday may prove difficult.
Happy Superbowl Sunday !(to those who care-I am just the cook for Superbowl snacks-also hoping I can find some reruns of Law&Order while I am in the kitchen)

Quick Edit: The phone just rang from Russia-Maria & Jeff are safe and delighted to be in Moscow!

Journal #139

Recovery- Waking up this morning was a relief! Yesterday morning started on Journal #137. At 9am I added an edit of taking a guess. I was hoping for 'A' but my intuition throughout the process led me to 'C'. being a skeptic has made it quite difficult to take me to a real LOW but I was pretty dissappointed as I felt it was not just the "process" but it was unacceptable. At 10 am I received the unexpected email opposed to the expected phone call. Unfortunately the facilitator was out sick so he was not able to get back to our agency with the final confirmation. What does this mean? It is still unclear. We are still told we are proceeding as scheduled with a court date the week of the 12th but we have known this since the 24th. We were told we would have confirmation one to two weeks prior. Our one week prior came and passed yesterday. We are leaving on Friday for Moscow. Instead of being upset about the lack of confirmation we are moving forward as planned. To say the least we can not wait to see Cupcake on Sunday. It seems so long ago we were playing ball, building blocks, and jingling keys. If only she remembered us the way we remember her! We look forward to reestablishing a relationship with her. By day 3 on trip one there was a considerable difference with her playfulness and giggles. She knew it was playtime with strangers. She seemed to really enjoy the contact and attention. Over the next three weeks we hope to increase our visits from every couple days to every other day to everyday when we near the last five days of visitation before custody.

To my SBP: Thank you for the adorable rag bunny, blankie, and dress. This is her first sundress as of now she only has winter clothes. I was going to post pics but since I am going to bring the Cupcake blankie I rather it make its first appearance from Moscow! Your thoughtfulness was tremendous!

Journal #138- Solutions to today's issues...

No need to send sympathies as I have found a way to smile.

The answer is "C"

Journal #137

Congrats to Lisa & Scott on their Valentine's Day Court date! I have had to hold my tongue on this one until Lisa posted (finally). I know you are so excited to see Andrew. We can't wait to meet him when you return!

It is really great that we will all see each other as we did on trip one! Of course I wish I didn't wake so early as I know today will be very long. Hopefully the phone won't ring much until it is the call we are waiting for today!

EDIT:
Want to take a guess?
When we get the call we will hear...

A) You are confirmed.

B) You are confirmed but delayed for a week.

C) There is an issue we will have to get back to you MONDAY (the dreaded waiting through another weekend for MONDAY)

Journal #136

A good ending to a tough day. All day I wished the day away. I just wanted to got o sleep so I can wake up to FRIDAY! The morning was super slow but after I got over the afternoon hump watching the clock got old. Tonight I headed over to Maria & Jeff's to bring dinner so they could relax and pack. We had a really nice time. Tonight was a substitute for our weekly lunch date since Maria had to work. After dinner we packed up all of the baby's stuff and the gifts.

Tomorrow is either going to be super fantabulous or ...we are expecting the confirmation of our court date by the end of the day. All of the BIG INFO seems to disperse at the 11th hour. So many things can happen you just don't know. The "not knowing" drives me bonkers! Happily I say "Goodnight" so I can open my eyes to tomorrow.

Journal #135

Waking up not feeling great but super happy (Melissa or Maria- did one of you pass your germs through the phone?).

Just so happy to be able to flip to the February calendar. Last night we had a business meeting in the city so we ended up at Ruth Cris with another gentleman. I was having a silent celebration dinner that January was BYE BYE & HELLO February! Thanks for my better half. At least he is fully functional, handles our company, and everything dealing with the outside world for now. The outside world is defined as all people who do not know about our adoption or the stupid ones' who found out accidently but ask the DREADED questions every time they see you. You know those questions...DID YOU GET THE BABY?, How much longer?, Does it always take this long?, Ohhh- I thought you were bringing her home in December. WHATEVER!

I should not whine as I am sure they are just curious but sometimes the questions are not only irritating but sound stupid. In addition we didn't tell many people but a few people didn't realize it was personal. It is only a big deal when you are super sensitive with your soon be daughter's suitcase packed at the front door 12 days before we leave. Yesterday I sent betsy a farewell email as they are on their way to get Creecher. Tonight we will go Maria & Jeff's to spend sometime with them and say "Bon Voyage!" Tuesday we wish Melissa and Mike a fantabulous trip to Olive. Friday, Laura&Rich leave and we do too.

Before we come home with new pics I wanted to post a pic of Maria and I on Tverskaya Street. She emailed it to me a couple weeks ago. Please note I am holding my jacket. Yes, the weather was that great in December. A tank top, t-shirt, and sweater was MORE than enough. We all know this trip we won't be so lucky. The next pictures you probably will only be able to see our eyes as we have been warned to stay covered!

Happy February!!!

Journal #134

Here is a little Project Pink as I have been meaning to post my magic mirror I finished a couple of weeks ago. You can't see it well but below is a picture of the frame which I painted and glued tiny blue and pink crystals around the mirror and clear ones for an accent. The last photo are the valances to match the bedding. Inbetween the windows is the doll case from when I was little. Everytime my parents traveled they purchased a little doll from the country to add to the collection. I thought it would neat to put something old from my childhood into Cupcake's room. The changing station has cute bows instead of knobs. Here is the crib again for those who haven't seen. Maybe if Marco finishes the closet door I can post a picture if the 4 th wall!

Also a VERY BIG congrats to Laura and Melissa who both received court dates today! Hope we all get to meet up in Moscow!!!

Journal #133

I was going to blog about "My World." I know "I", "Me", and "Myself" are gladly about to disappear! "My World" has been reduced to pink, blue, baby stuff, and adoption friends. OOPS- and EXCESSIVE calls to my mother! Sometimes I even answer the phone to my non-adopting friends-if this isn't about pink or babies, I have to go. Ok- so I have been more of a sweetart than a sweetheart- but I have no shame about it. I believe no one on the outside understands so that note...I have to change the topic to BLUE.

Now I have to toast Maria! (Jeff too, but girlfriends are different)! Maria- Thank you so much for all of the laughs and tears for the past 6 months. There has been nothing I have looked forward to in my daily life like meeting you every Wednesday for lunch while passing the time away. So often I wonder how we have lived for many years in each other's backyard's and have never crossed paths. Everyday since we have had names and faces for the children I have wished for the first Wednesday we can all be together. Now I know we are so close!

Yesterday morning was an ALL TIME low for the two of us. I think by our 3rd or 4th call you were telling me you can't talk as you have to forget about the adoption "stuff" for a few hours so you can be functional at work. Our tearful sadness was quickly ended when you received the call- I told you right before we break to pieces-you know who would come through! I was excited I left teh mall and couldn't find the car (for what seemed to be a long time).

Cheers to you-You are such a special friend! Baby Tyler is waiting for you with open arms! Kleenex, please!

Journal #132

What can drive a somewhat organized & calm person to hysteria? Maybe not having read a book about motherhood or babies is a problem. Honestly, I am gambling on natural motherly instincts to kick in when they put Cupcake is my arms. My back up plan is my mother will be with me the day they put Cupcake in my arms, and Dr.V's phone number is programmed in my cell phone. Next, packing for a little one is interesting too. I have found it to be a little bit of a challenge in deciding what I want to bring and what she needs! All of her clothes are being washed and packed with a plethora of toys. I figured if I get all of the her stuff and the gift bags together by Sunday I can figure out my life. I am sure it will be easy for me to get myself together in 8 days but it is never as simple as it appears. In addition, I have to get Marco organized with the house and meeting me, have to get my parents prepared with visa's and flight reservations, and then I can take care of the gray hairs, the chipped finger nails, and organizing all of our papers and necessities. Gosh if last week I couldn't stand myself, this week I want to escape myself completely.

So no one is confused there is still NO COURT DATE but I am confirmed to leave JFK on February 6th and Marco will meet me at the appropriate time. Have a good day!

Journal #131

Here is a good story...I have been working on gift bags for Russia (the Director-Dr.Tamara, caregivers, and interpreter). About 3 weeks ago I found a Yahoo group for families who have adopted from the same baby home. It is so ironic how all of us say the same things. Everyone seems so impressed with the director. She is just a special lady who seems to make all of the families seem at home in her home. We didn't have some of the same restrictions. The playroom and the abundance of toys were open for us to play with our children. I decided I was going to make her a photo album with pictures and letters from as many families who wanted to participate. The album is so full I may have to do a second one!

On Friday evening I received an email from a mother who was hoping it wasn't too late to get your letter and photos to me. I email her back to say email me whatever you would like so I can include your daughter. OMG- I opened the email and my jaw dropped. I had to look again- her daughter was brought to her in the identical outfit that Cupcake was wearing when they brought her to us. My eyes filled with tears and I returned her email with a picture of the 3 of us with Cupcake in the same dress. Friday night all of us spoke for hours and hours, She too teared when she saw the picture of us. It was really neat. Also it was an encouraging and inspiring conversation. For the first timen in weeks I felt my nerves calming a bit. Some of my patience has been restored. Don't get me wrong- I am thrilled it is Monday in Russia as I hope court dates in Moscow start to come through but I know in time...

Hope everyone gets what they are awaiting!!!

Journal #130

Happy Friday! It has been brought to my attention I am not very CHIPPER lately. Sorry everyone! I want to post pics of the mirror, and I want to figure out how to put a video clip of Project Pink but I am slumping. Sitting by the phone for a court date! Isn't this healthy? I am leaving on February 6th with or without. There is no reason for my impatience as we were not expecting a court date until the last week of January. For some unexplainable reason I am unreasonable. I am worried. You just never know... In addition I miss Cupcake so much. I woke up hearing her giggles. Maybe this is an effect of watching the videos constantly. If I am at a red light (which is rare since I barely leave the house) I pull out the little camera to watch a clip or two until the lights change. Anyone else experience such ridiculous behavior? As I said before I am getting on my own nerves.

On a positive note-we are both very excited and ready to get back to Russia. With all of our issues we didn't get to see or do much so this long trip will give us time to catch up! Have a great weekend!

Journal #129

A special congrats to Lea and Paul on the adoption of their 2 boys! I believe they were the first court date of all of our blogger friends for 2007. Even better their 10 days were waved so they will be home soon! What a great way to start the year!

Journal #128

I am not quite sure today is any better than the weekend. After speaking to our agency they are not expecting a court date until possibly next week.

This week I will be a little busy with my Mom- the funeral is tomorrow.

The rest of the week & weekend I was going to start putting together the gift bags for the caregivers and Director of the baby home.

Then I can twiddle my thumbs until Monday AGAIN!

Have a good week!

Journal #127

This afternoon my mother's best friend passed away. MZ was a special woman. A terrific wife and mother to her three children. A loving grandmother, a very special friend to so many.

Last Sunday her daugher,grand-daughter, and son(in-law) joined us for dinner. Before dinner my mother spent a few hours at the house with MZ showing her all of the pictures of Cupcake. I am so sad for her family. So sorry she will never meet Cupcake. So sorry Mom. I know you are heartbroken. I love you!